Saturday, March 06, 2004
When I first read that Bush, Blair and the Pope were being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize this year, I admit I was a little skeptical. Ok, make that "wow, I wonder where's the punchline."

And yet it's true:
"OSLO, Norway (AP) — The Nobel Peace Prize awards committee reported a record 173 nominations for 2004, with known candidates including President Bush, jailed Israeli nuclear technician Mordechai Vanunu and the pope...those nominating candidates often announce their choices, this year including Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair for protecting world peace; the European Union; French President Jacques Chirac; former Czech President Vaclav Havel; Pope John Paul II; former U.N. weapons inspectors Hans Blix and Mohamed ElBaradei; Vanunu, for exposing his country's nuclear weapons program; Cuban dissident Oswaldo Paya; and U.S. Sen. Richard Lugar and former Sen. Sam Nunn for their Cooperative Threat Reduction Program, which is intended to dismantle nuclear weapons left over from the Soviet Union.."

But it makes sense.

After all, if we eventually achieve peace because of war, hey, it's achieving peace even if it is done through some questionable means, isn't it? Who's to say that a few people killed here and there matter, compared to the glorious day when the Axis of Evil has been eliminated in the name of freedom? When Bush and his Coalition of the Willing have liberated the world, complete with free trade agreements that have made us all wealthier, we will indeed look back on them as our saviours.

As for the Pope, well, he did do much for all those...those...well, I'm sure there was someone somewhere who was greatly helped by the Pope this year. Therefore he is also responsible for bringing about world peace.

In fact, I'd even extend my list to include bin Laden, who, by contributing to disaster and human casualties, has unchained the sequence of events that would eventually bring about peace.

Let's take that one step further. If it were not for imperialism, we would never have achieved world peace, since we would never see the world as it is in its present state -- and thus we would never have seen one large, benevolent nation conquer all under the name of our beneficent enlightened despot, Bush and his sidekick, Blair. So therefore, if there were no imperialism, there would be no world peace.

So it all works out in this best of all possible worlds. It's all for the best. Peace is forthcoming (or is it here already? Oops I suppose it may have passed me by while I was so busy thinking about the homeless! Silly me!), and we will all live happily ever after in our freedom. Imperialism pisses off people like bin Laden, who plan out attacks that piss off Bush, who is enabled by imperialism to wage war against evil countries, and together with his sidekick they conquer all and save the world from being taken over by the bad guys.

In fact, let's call this the Nobel War prize, as the recent war was, indeed, noble. What other word can convey the praiseworthy sacrifice that Bush and sidekick Blair underwent to free millions in Operation Iraqi Liberation (aka O.I.L.)?

Anyone read Voltaire's Candide? Do.

But still, I wonder, what shall we turn our attention to when this greatest problem of all times has been conquered? What shall we fight when we have finally achieved world peace? As an MSN advert explains, "Join the Low Carb Revolution!"

Hasta la Vitoria -- translated, "I shall see you when our victory has been achieved."
¡Viva la Revolución!


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